


Flinch

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [176]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Abuse warning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:49:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9914000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Kylo is feeling fragile, after a 'training' session with the Leader. Hux is not happy about what Snoke is doing.





	

Kylo retreats to Hux’s quarters, not sure if he’s wanted there, like this, but needing it. 

So strange, how fast Hux has become essential to his well-being, how quickly the man is so wound into him that Kylo reaches out for comfort, even when Hux isn’t there. The smell of him on their pillows, the sections of carpet worn thinner from pacing, the perfect way everything is arranged in the ‘fresher.

Guilt wracks him as he slides into the bed, going to the dip in the mattress where Hux sleeps. He can imagine his arms around him, can use his own and pretend. 

He’s not supposed to need comforting. Training is supposed to make him stronger, and it’s another sign of the Light poisoning him that he resents it. He’s supposed to just be happy with the Care and Attention the Leader offers him. He’s supposed to be proud and devoted, not a snivelling baby, hiding under the covers and stuck in some mental loop of _no_ followed by _yes_. His cognitive abilities can’t reason past this, or move on. He approaches, sees the scale of it, and runs away. But it’s like the truth is blocking his exit, and he needs out. He tries to go around it, but he cowers back, trapped, unable to ignore it, and unable to move past it. 

His eyes shut, and he strokes his hands harder over his arms. If he could just… get past it… and not keep circling the thing like a star in a decaying orbit around a black hole. If he could just close the door, and carry on…

When Hux comes back, Kylo realises his mistake. He’s looking pathetic in the man’s bed, wrapped up so only his nose and above peek out. He’s shaking, aching, and mentally worn out. It’s not sexy, it’s not cute, it’s just stupid and weak and childish. Now Hux will go back to thinking of him as immature and emotionally compromised. Maybe he’ll even throw him out for being such a baby.

Instead, Hux removes his gloves and coat, and sits on the edge of the bed. Kylo squirms lower in the covers, his eyes moving away.

“Are you okay?”  


The pile of blankets nods.

“Are you… sick?”  


The blankets shake.

Hux doesn’t believe him, reaching out to touch his forehead. Kylo freezes, panicked, and then fights the urge to yelp at the contact. He’s raw, and wobbly. 

“What happened?”  


“…training,” he slurs. “Just… hard. M’okay. Need… m’okay.”  


Hux toes his boots off, and lies on his side, over the covers. His fingers brush at the messy hair, and he looks _so damned concerned_. “Is it always like this?”

“Just… didn’t… do well.”  


“Kylo, will you answer me honestly if I ask?”  


No. NO. NO. Danger signs, and he tries to climb into fabric hell. 

“…is it always like this?” Hux pushes. His tone is getting harder, like it does when he’s about to scathingly rip someone to shreds.  


Kylo can’t _stand_ it directed at him, and he wants to _cry_. But that’s for _children and babies_ , and he is neither. He’s terrified of Hux, and he hates that. His body screams _Leave_ , but his limbs won’t move. 

“He… hurt you.”  


“I’m just… it’s because I’m not strong enough… it’s…”  


“He hurt you.” This time it’s deadly, in that way he recognises from others.  


Kylo vanishes right down into the bed, and starts to shake in horror. He’s made Hux mad. He’s made Hux mad, and now he can’t look at him. This is all because he’s not good enough, and…

“Kylo… please. I’m not angry with _you_. I’m angry with _him_. Please…” Hands stroke over the blanket. “He is _hurting_ you. I… I’m angry because he shouldn’t hurt you.”  


“It’s my fault!”  


“It is no such thing. Kylo… Kylo, we’ll talk about this when you’re feeling better, but this is _not. Right.”_  


“It’s _my fault_. I should be stronger. It’s **me**.”  


There’s an impossibly long silence, and then Hux’s hand stills. “Will you let me hold you?”

He wants that, but he’s not sure he wants Angry Hux. He wants… what does he want? 

“I just care about you. You’re suffering, and I want to stop that. I want to _protect_ you. You’re… this is _not_ your fault.”  


It is, but Hux won’t budge, so Kylo - exhausted, nods. He doesn’t believe him, but he believes Hux believes it. That will have to do.

“Let me hold you? Until you feel better. Please, Ky. Let me hold you, and we’ll talk about… this… later.”  


_I’m wrong, I’m wrong, I’m…_

Two eyes poke over the covers. “You don’t hate me?”

“Anything but.”  


“Even… now?”  


“I hate _him_ for hurting you. I _love_ you.”  


Hux does not say it often, but when he does, it always feels like it comes from somewhere so deep inside. Kylo shivers. _Say it again_.

Fingers comb through his hair, and he isn’t sure he can come out of the blankets just yet, but that’s nice. 

“What do you need?” Hux asks.  


“…’s’good…”  


“Can I hug you?”  


A pause, and he nods. 

Hux puts his arm over the bundle, and pulls him in close. “If this is all you need, you’ve got it, for as long as you need it. I don’t want to push you, but you can have whatever you need.”

_A blaster to the–_

“Th-thanks,” he mumbles, instead. “J-just… hold me?” He’s so pathetic to ask.  


“Always,” Hux replies. “And don’t you ever think I’ll stop loving you, no matter what you do. Not ever.”  


Slow, shaky breaths, and Kylo wonders if he’ll ever be able to trust _that_. But he did come here, so maybe that’s the first step.


End file.
